The List—I Dare You

Every woman has a list of qualities that they are looking for in an ideal mate. Some men even have a list as well.

The list may be internal or you may have taken the time to write it out.

I certainly do have a list. My list is all encompassing of what I want in a mate. The list is in order of importance and the list changes all the time with each and every dating experience.

With all of the men I date I tend to pick up on things that I like, and things that I dislike. These qualities have made up my list thus far.

My list is completely reasonable, as I am not asking for a man that makes six figures, is 6 feet tall, and has a dead mother (no momma’s boys). But, my list I believe is a little deeper and purely based off all of the men in my life both good and bad. And, not to mention I am willing to let go of five qualities if everything else is correct!

I will share my list below and I challenge my readers to share theirs in the comment section. I Dare You!

I Dare You!

I Dare You!

If you’ve never written out a list look at this as a chance to do so. This will truly give you a chance to see if you’re being completely unreasonable with what you desire or not.

Without further ado, my list:

1. No children
2. Attractive-5’10” or above and slim build
3. Belief in “something” bigger than himself
4. Reliable/Resourceful
5. Must love me more than I love him
6. Ambitious-must have a financial goal that surpasses “getting money”. Must be in a field of growth and have a plan to achieve their financial goal.
7. Kind and respectful to ALL
8. Funny-has to have the same sense of humor as I (sarcasm and all)
9. Raised with a father and mother in the home. Family must have the ability to mind their business.
10. Must love GREAT food
11. Likes animals
12. Social drinker

There it is…Get to sharing suckers!

The Joy Of: Cursing

photo credit: drurywriting.com

photo credit: drurywriting.com

Nothing brings me more joy than hearing old women curse.

I am not talking about a small “damn” or “shit”. I love to see elderly women displaying Olympic level cursing in everyday speech.

I believe that I will be this type of old lady. Seeing as I already have quite a potty mouth, I can imagine myself running out of words to describe the many things I have seen in my old age. Therefore, I feel I will need to resort to more cursing to aptly express myself.

I cannot wait to insult the other old biddies at church by using my future potty mouth.

I will tell the Deaconess that she ain’t shit, and I will tell the church treasurer to get her greedy ass out of my face with that extra offering shit because I done already paid my tithes.

Oh the joy I will have. Happy Sunday!

I Know I’m Not the Only One

Pop culture has ruined me and I will never be the same. With my ruin, I am only able to relate to other pop culture junkies who only speak in Internet, television, and music references (it really is a different language).

Being a pop culture junkie really effects everyday life so much that I feel the daily struggle is worth illustrating.

Below I will point out my most used pop culture references in question and answer format.

The replies listed are the everyday responses (that I only say in my head) to daily scenarios. I try daily not to say these aloud…but it’s so hard, so hard.

Photo credit:http://onemorecup.files.wordpress.com

Photo credit:onemorecup.files.wordpress.com

1. Whenever anyone asks if my hair is relaxed.
My reply: “No, just juices and berries”–Prince Akeem, Coming to America

 

2. Whenever I meet someone who is way too happy for my current mood
My reply: “Makeup and stickers and ponies and myspace.com.”–Family Guy, S.5.ep8

photo credit: fanpop.com

photo credit: fanpop.com

 

3. I get asked a stupid question
My reply: “You are so dumb.”–Antoine Dodson

photo credit:sodahead.com

photo credit:sodahead.com

4. If you ask me if I am going to an event planned.
My reply: “Bitch I Might Be”–Gucci Mane feat. Shawnna, I Might Be

5. When asked about any deadline at work.
My reply: “About a week agoooo.”–Bobby Schmurda, Hot Nigga

6. When not interested in a conversation.
My reply: “What? She told you to put it in the fax machine? Nuh uh…”–Kevin Hart, Seriously Funny

7. When asking for more of a topping on my salad and I’m feeling sassy
My reply: “Put some more mozzarella on that motherfucking shit.” –Radio Raheem (Sal’s Pizza scene), Do the Right Thing

photo credit: washingtoncitypaper.com

photo credit: washingtoncitypaper.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8. When agreeing with anything.
My reply: “Chuuuuuch”–Diamond Eye (look him up)

9. When someone calls themselves talking to me crazy.
My reply: “I got an indoor pool and an outdoor pool”–Ray J, Power 105.1 interview

10. Whenever I get a compliment on an outfit.
My reply: “You see the outfit bitch, I’m killing you ho’s”–Trina, Killing You Hoes