Can Somebody Come Take A Look At This?

Bravo’s “Thicker Than Water” has to be the funniest reality show that nobody is watching.

The show profiles the prominent Tankard family in Tennessee that owes most of their wealth to the patriarchs, Ben Tankard’s, longstanding gospel/jazz music career.

The show is not your normal reality show where people just go to lunch/dinner and then fight each other. “Thicker Than Water” is more of a family show, that displays the workings of a huge family trying to mend relationships while being rich and stuff.

The show just ended it’s second season so someone must be watching, but I want my people, my cousins, all of you to watch the show.

Though the show is mostly positive (which can get boring) I still tune in every Sunday after “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” just to make this face the entire time while I watch.The real reason I watch this show is not for the harmony of the, “This family got to be that fist” unit. I really watch  “Thicker Than Water” because everybody on the show looks super regular, but still acts as bourgeois as ever.

This is confidence people!

I decided that either the Tankard’s are trolling it’s viewers and know exactly what they’re doing, or this family just don’t give one fuck because this doesn’t seem staged.

Please see a breakdown of the main cast (because there are approximately 27 children and I don’t have time) and see why I always get my life while watching “Thicker Than Water”:

Ben Tankard

Ben Tankard

Bravo describes Ben Tankard  as,

“Ben Tankard is the father — a preacher and is a Gospel jazz artist.”

I describe Ben Tankard, as Papa Klump’s stand in when Eddie Murphy get’s tired, and also the world record holder for Number of Chopper Suits.

Jewel Tankard

Jewel Tankard

Bravo describes Jewel as,

“Jewel Tankard is the mother of the Tankard clan. She continues to strive for success as a business woman”

I don’t know what business they speak of, because they never show her doing anything but complaining.

Brooklyn Tankard

Brooklyn Tankard

Bravo describes Brooklyn as,

“Brooklyn Tankard, better known as “Queen Brooklyn,” is a mother, entrepreneur, social advocate and the eldest daughter of the Tankard clan.”

I’m still here just trying to figure out if Brooklyn and Priyanka of the now defunct, “Sorority Sisters”, are the same person.

Brooklyn

Priyanka

I need answers…

Benji and Shanira Tankard

Benji Tankard

Shanira Tankard

Bravo describes this couple as,

“Benji, 21, is Ben’s son and is newly married to Shanira. The two live with the family while they are starting their lives together.”

I describe this couple as that couple that was always hugged up in the hallway while you were in high school. I imagine Shanira back in the day with a real little ponytail and Benji with a big gummy grin whenever I think of them. Oh, young love.

And last but certainly not least…

Marcus Tankard

Marcus Tankard

He wasn’t important enough to get a Bravo bio as he is new to the cast, but he is actually the eldest son to Ben Tankard.

I can only describe him as the inspiration to these popular gifs/memes:

 

Readers, please take this as a plea. Please go catch up on this show so next season you can get into the shade behind it with me.

If you already watch the show, drop your favorite character’s name and why you like them in the comments.

 

Photo Credit: Bravo/Vh1/pepethefrog.tumblr.com

 

 

 

 

 

• bravo
• entertainment
• humor
• reality television
• television
• the tankards
• thicker than water