Why Everyone Should Work In Retail

Someone once said “never trust a person who has never worked in retail.” After 10 years of working in retail I now KNOW that this is true. In order to be a productive member of society everyone should have to work in retail at some point in their life. It should honestly be a right of passage, because you learn so much about the dealings of this fucked up world and it’s fucked up people.

If you have never worked in retail you have no idea what a daily struggle it is to walk into work everyday and deal with the general public and just accept that everyone you meet most likely has an undiagnosed mental illness. You become a bit jaded and therefore have low expectations of everyone and the only good that comes from that is…

Minimal disappointment!!!

No Cam, I'm actually not

Nah Cam, I’m actually not

If you’ve never worked in retail, chances are you are a bit naive and therefore undeserving of any trust from me. Your dippy ass friends can trust you if they want, but you’re probably the type to pull out your phone when a stranger asks what time it is. I trust no one.

You cannot trust a person who just assumes that people are not crazy and actually hold some faith in humanity. It’s not an option. Retail will teach you this and show you that you have to keep your guard up at all times and be pleasantly surprised when you meet someone who actually uses their brain.

Those who have worked extensively in retail are always on guard and watching out for crazy people because everyday you run across people who cannot do something simple like buy a shirt for themselves without asking the opinion of everyone around them. If you meet people who cannot make decisions for themselves everyday, then you come to the generalization that most people are stupid and in a matrix where people care about them… and their shirt.

If you’ve never worked in retail then you are probably also an extremely happy un-jaded person…Making you a customer from hell and oblivious to stranger emotion. You are also probably one of the most annoying customers ever because you don’t realize that everyday for a retail associate is a bad day. You probably approach shopping and interacting with sales associates with a smile and plenty of interaction.

“What do you think of this?”

“You have nice taste, can you help me pick out some things?”

“You’re so little, what size are you?” (This is a personal one I got a lot from mothers shopping for their over-sized 11 year olds)

You think you are being pleasant but nah, you’re just pissing them off; please go away.

The very best advice for interacting with sales associates is to get your shit and go. If you need help ask, but don’t ask for an opinion. No experts are here bih, not with this high school or “God, why can’t I find a job out of college” education.

To eliminate any awkward interaction it’s best to get your shit and go and be quiet. This will put a bigger smile on someones face than you can imagine because you have just displayed some normal. You have made their day.43334-megan-fox-bitch-get-out-gif-yBSu1Photo credit: Pinterest

3 thoughts on “Why Everyone Should Work In Retail

  1. You are fxxkin HILARIOUS!!!
    I thought I hated retail until I got into hospitality with hotels….that’s a major place will customers will often make you want to pop them in the mouth daily! Thanks for the entertaining read!


  2. Pingback: Why Your Auntie Is So Pissed | Sadity Hoodlum

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