That Moment When You Can’t Fake The Funk

I have been laying in bed for three days straight. I work from home a lot but when I go into the office I sit in my little cubicle fighting back tears. 

I am a self admitted control freak and when I feel like I am losing control this is what happens.

The depressed mood, the withdrawl, and the random thoughts of what if? This is me out of control. 

I understand that things are not meant to be controlled all of the time, and I am familiar with the whole “shit happens” mantra that people love to throw at you when things go wrong (which I’m extremely tired of hearing), but when I cannot control my own body or finances, I am finding this to be a trigger that makes me irrational. 

People treat me like I’m not allowed to feel. I’m sad and it just is. 

I literally cannot move. I can’t get up and go anywhere without feeling embarrassed that people are staring at me and on top of that I am about to lose an insane amount of money. 

I am drained. 

I want to cry but I have no one to cry to. 

I am alone. 

I realize that no one knows me very well and to care how I’m feeling because of the temporary tattoo of a smile and alert eyes I use whenever someone speaks to me. 

People don’t know that a genuine “are you okay?” would really mean a lot right now. 

Even though it’s visibly apparent what’s wrong, I think the issue is that what is wrong with me cannot be fixed with anything but time and even that is not certain. 

I’m in pain. Sometimes it’s a good day, sometimes it’s bad. I am starting to miss the days when all I did was bitch about work. I am tired of this and I don’t know if I will ever be the same again. It’s sad to think that.  

So if you’re wondering why I haven’t been posting as much it’s because I can’t remain in a good mood long enough to make little shady jokes for the masses. 

If you have anything in your arsenal that you think my humor would appreciate please drop the link in the comments. I need to smile. 

5 thoughts on “That Moment When You Can’t Fake The Funk

  1. I didn’t read the entire post but from what I read, it seems like life is just doing its thing with you. Hey…shit happens you know? I’m just kidding. LMBO – I hope that made you laugh a LITTLE. I read the ENTIRE post and I hate the “shit happens” mantra myself. I feel the same as you when things are out of my control. I feel depressed and overwhelmed; even more-so when the situation is not easily reconcilable. Its like a waiting game – and for a person who wants to control their life … that is SO hard to do, I know. What I CAN say is that there is ALWAYS a means to an end. There are a few things that you CAN do – it always is. So make it a like a “to do” list. Start figuring out what stuff you can do now to help quicken the process. And then dont focus on whats going on NOW – instead, get caught up and consumed in the project of “quickening” things.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey I miss your posts. I hope whatever situation you were speaking on has improved. Just wanted to tell you your voice is missed in my ‘blogs I follow’ list. I mean, how do I know what day it is without your Friday Fuckery?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s