Adventures In Dating: Babyfather of the Year

As I journey to be hot in these streets once again after a much needed hiatus, I wish to remind people (and myself) of the of the unfortunate events which occurred in datings past.

I faced the unfortunate pleasure of dealing with these types of men much earlier than I was probably ready to handle, which may have scarred me for life. Though some of these types are good men, to deal with one you need a certain level of maturity to adapt to their situation, which I do not posses.

The man I am referring to is…. Continue reading

That Moment When You Can’t Fake The Funk

I have been laying in bed for three days straight. I work from home a lot but when I go into the office I sit in my little cubicle fighting back tears. 

I am a self admitted control freak and when I feel like I am losing control this is what happens.

The depressed mood, the withdrawl, and the random thoughts of what if? This is me out of control. 

I understand that things are not meant to be controlled all of the time, and I am familiar with the whole “shit happens” mantra that people love to throw at you when things go wrong (which I’m extremely tired of hearing), but when I cannot control my own body or finances, I am finding this to be a trigger that makes me irrational. 

People treat me like I’m not allowed to feel. I’m sad and it just is. 

I literally cannot move. I can’t get up and go anywhere without feeling embarrassed that people are staring at me and on top of that I am about to lose an insane amount of money. 

I am drained. 

I want to cry but I have no one to cry to. 

I am alone. 

I realize that no one knows me very well and to care how I’m feeling because of the temporary tattoo of a smile and alert eyes I use whenever someone speaks to me. 

People don’t know that a genuine “are you okay?” would really mean a lot right now. 

Even though it’s visibly apparent what’s wrong, I think the issue is that what is wrong with me cannot be fixed with anything but time and even that is not certain. 

I’m in pain. Sometimes it’s a good day, sometimes it’s bad. I am starting to miss the days when all I did was bitch about work. I am tired of this and I don’t know if I will ever be the same again. It’s sad to think that.  

So if you’re wondering why I haven’t been posting as much it’s because I can’t remain in a good mood long enough to make little shady jokes for the masses. 

If you have anything in your arsenal that you think my humor would appreciate please drop the link in the comments. I need to smile. 

So I Have To Be Pretty Forever? The Double Standard

Women are faced with the most ridiculous double standards. Some I can deal with, some I cannot.

Having sex with a plethora of people equals “Ho”….Acceptable for safety reasons

Frowned upon for abandoning your child…Acceptable because it’s harder to abandon a thing that lived inside of you. I guess.

But one double standard I cannot accept is that women have to look pretty for damn near forever, but have to be okay with their men being out of shape ug-mugs.

Women are always looked at with fault for letting themselves go when meanwhile fat husband and pretty wife (at least a high 6) is seen as the norm in most sitcoms and in general life.

I know that the woman is supposed to be the pretty one in the relationship, but do women really have to accept men looking like Carl Winslow while the men expect women to look like booty models?

photo credit:badtvblog.com

This is an unspoken rule, but it happens and I’m tired of it.

The first thing out of a man’s mouth when a woman does not get into shape quick enough after childbirth is that she let herself go. But when a man packs on numerous pounds for no reason at all or is even a little ugly in the face no one ever questions him. It is perfectly fine for him to be a butterball, no definition having slug of a man and expect you to be bad forever.

Why is nobody is ever disappointed in men for not looking like Tyson Beckford?

Men get yourself in shape for your women.

Go to the gym.

Go run outside.

Go ride a bike.

Do something to give you a place to criticize her if she’s not looking her best.

Don’t expect this:

Photo credit: lowbird.com

When you look like this:

Photo credit: Jay-zjournal.com

Photo credit: Jay-zjournal.com

You can’t be regular money Jay-Z and expect a Beyonce. Even rich Jay-Z shouldn’t expect Beyonce, he better count his blessings.

 

Throwback Thursday: In College I Enjoyed Nasty Songs

There should be no surprise that my semi ratchet ass cannot get enough of raunchy misogynistic music.

 I never missed an opportunity to dance in a basement and hear underrated classics like Lil’ Ru’s raunchy and appropriately titled, “Nasty Song.” Now that is clever naming!

Get into this video and I dare you not to be inspired to “put your pussy” on someone, or give/receive a wallie.

Continue reading

Why Your Auntie Is So Pissed

What is it that happens with women when they hit a certain age that immediately makes them dislike younger women?

I recall on one of my terrible ass retail jobs always having a token woman who couldn’t stand me. It always was an older woman who felt like it was her place to make an example out of me for breathing or whatever she was mad at me for.

This display of pure disdain from older women did not stop at jobs, it carried over into day to day life as well. I still get looks of disgust from older women and I’m not even a spring chicken anymore. I walk down the street and still get looked up and down with this perturbed face from Auntie or even get the little nice-nasty shade of some old biddy calling me  sweety and hun’, but in that weird tone where its not affectionate at all. Bitch, I can hear the hate in your voice.displeased-bailey

My question is why are Aunties, as I affectionately call them, so mad? Continue reading

Quickie: “Game of Thrones”+ Broken Bones

I broke my big toe and this shit is the second most terrible physical pain I have ever experienced in life (cramps will always win until childbirth). For the last week I have barely been able to think straight, and when I do think, I only think bitchy thoughts such as:

“I wish you would shut the fuck up”

or

“What the fuck are you smiling for?”

Continue reading

Throwback Thursday: Teletubbies (1st Generation)

Every “Throwback Thursday” I wish to pay homage to things that shaped my person today. The picture above is from the late 1990’s.

I remember this picture well, because around this time is when my momma decided that she was through with doing my hair and that it was time for my little ass to go to “the shop” aka the hair salon. If you ever frequented a hood hair salon in the 90’s I know you have seen this picture before and if you haven’t you are missing out on some important black history. Continue reading

Great Moments in Black History

I know Black History Month is over, but I live this shit everyday so let me have my happiness and joy in this moment.

While randomly watching a movie I stumbled upon a mythical creature. I looked at her and only recognized her voice, but looked closely at the screen and saw a damn unicorn.

I saw… Continue reading

Standing On The Other Side

The African American community’s relationship with Law Enforcement has been under strain for as long as I can remember.

Most recently, in the past 2-3 years, I have become more aware of this strain because of a new-found maturity (and a new-found ability to stomach the news).

I ALWAYS, since a little girl, had a fear of the police. I never questioned my fear, I just knew that if police were around in my community, it was never a good thing. If police were around that meant that someone was dead, someone was hurt, or someone in the neighborhood was being arrested.

With the recent publicized acts of discrimination and police brutality I now understand why I always had that underlying fear. I knew not to trust the police because I always equated them with bad things.

Because of these recent developments and their publication, my mistrust of law enforcement has risen. With so many officers not being prosecuted for acts which are morally wrong, and even caught on tape committing these acts, I had lost all faith in the justice system.

I began to develop an “us against them” mentality which I now know needs to change. Continue reading