Adventures In Dating: The Momma’s Boy

In this next installment of “Adventures In Dating” I will cover my own personal worst experience.

This account will be a little different because I went through this personally and I want to tell this real story, as it was a huge lesson. So settle on down, it’s story time.

This man is the Momma’s Boy.  Continue reading

Martha’s Monthly’s, And Things I Don’t Understand

Is it weird that I used to idolize Martha Stewart when I was a child?

In Martha Stewart Living, a monthly calendar is published with “gentle reminders, helpful tips and important dates”, of things which Martha does for the month.

Please get into Martha’s Month of February and if I would participate in the activities or not:

*I skipped the events which warranted no explanation such as hosting gigs and activities which were repeated

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The Joy Of: Cursing

photo credit: drurywriting.com

photo credit: drurywriting.com

Nothing brings me more joy than hearing old women curse.

I am not talking about a small “damn” or “shit”. I love to see elderly women displaying Olympic level cursing in everyday speech.

I believe that I will be this type of old lady. Seeing as I already have quite a potty mouth, I can imagine myself running out of words to describe the many things I have seen in my old age. Therefore, I feel I will need to resort to more cursing to aptly express myself.

I cannot wait to insult the other old biddies at church by using my future potty mouth.

I will tell the Deaconess that she ain’t shit, and I will tell the church treasurer to get her greedy ass out of my face with that extra offering shit because I done already paid my tithes.

Oh the joy I will have. Happy Sunday!

I Know I’m Not the Only One

Pop culture has ruined me and I will never be the same. With my ruin, I am only able to relate to other pop culture junkies who only speak in Internet, television, and music references (it really is a different language).

Being a pop culture junkie really effects everyday life so much that I feel the daily struggle is worth illustrating.

Below I will point out my most used pop culture references in question and answer format.

The replies listed are the everyday responses (that I only say in my head) to daily scenarios. I try daily not to say these aloud…but it’s so hard, so hard.

Photo credit:http://onemorecup.files.wordpress.com

Photo credit:onemorecup.files.wordpress.com

1. Whenever anyone asks if my hair is relaxed.
My reply: “No, just juices and berries”–Prince Akeem, Coming to America

 

2. Whenever I meet someone who is way too happy for my current mood
My reply: “Makeup and stickers and ponies and myspace.com.”–Family Guy, S.5.ep8

photo credit: fanpop.com

photo credit: fanpop.com

 

3. I get asked a stupid question
My reply: “You are so dumb.”–Antoine Dodson

photo credit:sodahead.com

photo credit:sodahead.com

4. If you ask me if I am going to an event planned.
My reply: “Bitch I Might Be”–Gucci Mane feat. Shawnna, I Might Be

5. When asked about any deadline at work.
My reply: “About a week agoooo.”–Bobby Schmurda, Hot Nigga

6. When not interested in a conversation.
My reply: “What? She told you to put it in the fax machine? Nuh uh…”–Kevin Hart, Seriously Funny

7. When asking for more of a topping on my salad and I’m feeling sassy
My reply: “Put some more mozzarella on that motherfucking shit.” –Radio Raheem (Sal’s Pizza scene), Do the Right Thing

photo credit: washingtoncitypaper.com

photo credit: washingtoncitypaper.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8. When agreeing with anything.
My reply: “Chuuuuuch”–Diamond Eye (look him up)

9. When someone calls themselves talking to me crazy.
My reply: “I got an indoor pool and an outdoor pool”–Ray J, Power 105.1 interview

10. Whenever I get a compliment on an outfit.
My reply: “You see the outfit bitch, I’m killing you ho’s”–Trina, Killing You Hoes

Empire Premiere

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This looks like it’s going to be a goodie!!! I will admit that I am a jinx when it comes to network television dramas. Every time I start to watch one from the very beginning of the season they get cancelled. I pray to gawd that this isn’t the case with Empire.
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