Adventures In Dating: Babyfather of the Year

As I journey to be hot in these streets once again after a much needed hiatus, I wish to remind people (and myself) of the of the unfortunate events which occurred in datings past.

I faced the unfortunate pleasure of dealing with these types of men much earlier than I was probably ready to handle, which may have scarred me for life. Though some of these types are good men, to deal with one you need a certain level of maturity to adapt to their situation, which I do not posses.

The man I am referring to is…. Continue reading

#ThrowbackThursday: The Return of BET Uncut

Gather ’round little perverts!

If you were born 1984 or later, then you have probably stayed up late to watch BET Uncut back in the day. Before the internet, and before everything was buckwild and free, BET Uncut was the closest thing you were going to get to porn. Unedited grainy ass music videos were everything around the late 1990’s-early 2000’s and many are very happy to hear that BET Uncut is officially making it’s return.

With how graphic the media is today I don’t know if BET Uncut will have the same taboo impact it had on me during my childhood (these kids today done seen it all), but in honor of BET Uncut making a comeback I will like to present my…

Top Three Throwback “Uncut” Videos Continue reading

Words With Friends: The Return of Paper Brother 

It’s baaaaaaaccccckkkkkk…

In this fine edition of “Words With  Friends” we have to revisit a certain brother from a previous post.

Oh yes, it’s the return of your fave, “The Paper Brother.”

He been gone for a minute,  organizing sit-ins and peaceful protest and shit but he’s back! Back in the form of a simulated conversation between me and my good girlfriends.

Join us as we mock a real life Paper Brother explaining why he’s single.

This may be my favorite *lace sarcasm all up in here* type of man, knowing one in real life makes it all the funnier.

Get into it below…(follow the quotes)   Continue reading

You Don’t Know Nothing ‘Bout This Here: 4 Signs of Getting Old

What happens to your way of life when you start to get old?

I’m not talking about the brand new crop of health issues, or about  Medicare and social security. I am talking about how do you come to suddenly have those seemingly new old person mannerisms?

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So I Have To Be Pretty Forever? The Double Standard

Women are faced with the most ridiculous double standards. Some I can deal with, some I cannot.

Having sex with a plethora of people equals “Ho”….Acceptable for safety reasons

Frowned upon for abandoning your child…Acceptable because it’s harder to abandon a thing that lived inside of you. I guess.

But one double standard I cannot accept is that women have to look pretty for damn near forever, but have to be okay with their men being out of shape ug-mugs.

Women are always looked at with fault for letting themselves go when meanwhile fat husband and pretty wife (at least a high 6) is seen as the norm in most sitcoms and in general life.

I know that the woman is supposed to be the pretty one in the relationship, but do women really have to accept men looking like Carl Winslow while the men expect women to look like booty models?

photo credit:badtvblog.com

This is an unspoken rule, but it happens and I’m tired of it.

The first thing out of a man’s mouth when a woman does not get into shape quick enough after childbirth is that she let herself go. But when a man packs on numerous pounds for no reason at all or is even a little ugly in the face no one ever questions him. It is perfectly fine for him to be a butterball, no definition having slug of a man and expect you to be bad forever.

Why is nobody is ever disappointed in men for not looking like Tyson Beckford?

Men get yourself in shape for your women.

Go to the gym.

Go run outside.

Go ride a bike.

Do something to give you a place to criticize her if she’s not looking her best.

Don’t expect this:

Photo credit: lowbird.com

When you look like this:

Photo credit: Jay-zjournal.com

Photo credit: Jay-zjournal.com

You can’t be regular money Jay-Z and expect a Beyonce. Even rich Jay-Z shouldn’t expect Beyonce, he better count his blessings.

 

Friday Fuckery: A Quickie At Work

If you are at work I want you to slowly reach into your pocket. Take your time.

Slowly feel around in your pocket until you feel yourself in your hands. After you have found yourself slowly start to caress, but be inconspicuous, because remember you’re at work and god forbid you get caught.

When it feels right, take out your phone and… Continue reading

Throwback Thursday: In College I Enjoyed Nasty Songs

There should be no surprise that my semi ratchet ass cannot get enough of raunchy misogynistic music.

 I never missed an opportunity to dance in a basement and hear underrated classics like Lil’ Ru’s raunchy and appropriately titled, “Nasty Song.” Now that is clever naming!

Get into this video and I dare you not to be inspired to “put your pussy” on someone, or give/receive a wallie.

Continue reading

Why Your Auntie Is So Pissed

What is it that happens with women when they hit a certain age that immediately makes them dislike younger women?

I recall on one of my terrible ass retail jobs always having a token woman who couldn’t stand me. It always was an older woman who felt like it was her place to make an example out of me for breathing or whatever she was mad at me for.

This display of pure disdain from older women did not stop at jobs, it carried over into day to day life as well. I still get looks of disgust from older women and I’m not even a spring chicken anymore. I walk down the street and still get looked up and down with this perturbed face from Auntie or even get the little nice-nasty shade of some old biddy calling me  sweety and hun’, but in that weird tone where its not affectionate at all. Bitch, I can hear the hate in your voice.displeased-bailey

My question is why are Aunties, as I affectionately call them, so mad? Continue reading